As an eater of large quantities of pickled things, I am frequently frustrated and annoyed by what I call Pickle Juice Fingers™. You want to get the olives out of the jar, but you have to dip your whole god damned hand in the jar to fish them out. You don’t want to dump out all the juice, because you’re not eating all the pickled things, so what are your choices?
1. Dip your whole hand in the jar, fishing around in the juice for pickled treasures and distributing your hand-germs to any other pour soul who also wants to enjoy delicious pickled things, like a BARBARIAN.
2. Use a spoon or something to daintily pick out one pickled thing at a time. This option is too ridiculous to contemplate.
The good news for America is that the French have solved this problem, with technology that is SO SIMPLE AND YET SO BRILLIANT, I cannot believe it has not always been a part of the pickle eating experience.
BEHOLD.
the pickles are CLEARLY too far down in the jar to avoid contracting Pickle Juice Fingers™
BUT OH THERE IS A PLASTIC THING SITTING UNDER THE PICKLES WITH A HANDLE THAT HAS LITTLE HOOKS ON IT THAT HOOK ONTO THE SIDE OF THE JAR TO BRING THE PICKLES TO THE SURFACE
You can bet I’ll be writing a strongly worded letter to the Vlasic company upon my return to the US.